The most important relationship you’ll ever have

If you’re looking for love this Valentine’s Day, are you looking in the right place? Why not start by looking in the mirror?

With February 14th just around the corner, I can’t think of a better time to talk about loving yourself. Let’s face it, the narrative around Valentine’s Day can sometimes feel like it’s been designed with the sole intention of making you feel ‘less than’: everywhere you look there are hearts and flowers in your face, selling you a promise that if you play your cards right, someone might buy you a bunch of roses and finally make you whole.

Time to change the narrative!

We all want to be loved. Of course we do. But if you’re looking for your soul mate and still haven’t found them, or keep attracting the ‘wrong type’, stop and take a moment to think about why this might be.

Could it be because ‘all the good ones have been taken’? Is it really because ‘You’re too picky’? Or could it be for another reason, one that’s a little harder to face up to – that you don’t honestly believe you deserve it?

In order to receive love into your life, the first thing you need to do show up for yourself. So ask yourself this – do you truly love yourself?

I see so many people who are brutal to themselves: their negative self-talk has ground their self-esteem into the ground. It can be easy to believe that putting yourself first is selfish and that your needs matter least, that it’s easier to love others than ourselves, because we’re somehow unlovable.

Stop, take a deep breath. Imagine it was your best friend telling you all these terrible things about themselves – what would you say to them? That they’re wrong, that they’re both loved and lovable. Now look in the mirror, say it to yourself, and believe it.

No one knows you as well as you know yourself. You know your likes and dislikes, what makes you feel happy, safe and secure. Take some time to nurture yourself, show yourself some compassion. If you can authentically love yourself, rather than trying to get someone else to do it for you, your self-esteem will grow and grow.

It can be difficult to know where to start – especially if you’re more used to giving care to others and none to yourself – so here are a few starter points:

– Be kind to yourself. If you find your inner critic is too loud, turn their volume down. Start small – counter that negative voice by making a list of things you like about yourself, then repeat it to yourself until you truly believe it.

– Allow yourself to make mistakes. The only people who never get anything wrong are the people who never do anything at all. If you’ve made a mistake somewhere, draw a line under it, and take the lesson you’ve learned to apply to the next situation, rather than dwelling on things.

– See the beauty in simple things. Go outside, look at the sky, breathe deeply, take in nature. Stop focusing on what you think you don’t have, and instead really concentrate on the things in front of you that you might be taking for granted.

– Spend time around people who uplift you and love you for who you are, not for who you think you should be.

The longest relationship you’re going to be in is with yourself – so really get to know yourself, get to like your own company. Love yourself more, and life brings you more love.

If you want to start showing up for yourself, take a look at my coaching programs and let me help you start living your best life. I can’t wait to meet you.

With love,

Lisa x

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